the most beautiful top five: cat attacks
I’ve a new cat. I adopted her from the local Humane Society, called her Olive and have begun getting used to her ridiculous and endearing Tonkinese quirks as I assume she is getting used to my workaholic Midwestern transplant ones, or well… tolerate. That’s what they do, yes? Cats tolerate us. To a point.
Here is my top five list of Olive attacks thus far (that happen usually while I’m asleep):
1. Feline Fado
She talks and talks and yells and when that doesn’t work, she sings. A loud desperate crooning that happens most often around 4 am, and sometimes shortly after I return home and have not refilled her bowl with the first couple of speeches.
2. SWAT Rush
This is where, having attempted to get a good sleeping spot near my head at night, but having been relegated to lower regions of the bed, Olive completes a cycle of leaping off the bed in dejection, saddling up the side and then suddenly with a fury only felines can muster she bounces on the side of the bed and sprints up and across the pillows only to keep running off the middle of the other side.
3. Simple Little Knife
The second weekend I had Olive, I slept in… late. Too late, according to her. Late enough to deserve a wee little blood draw. I could tell by her chatting, hollering, and singing that she was about fed up with my slumber. But when she hopped up on the bed and seemed to be settling into my ride side, I relaxed to snooze again. Olive, in her wisdom simply (as I imagine in my mind’s eye) raised a little blackened paw and came down deftly with one crawl extracted and snagged expertly into my back. I jumped us both up pretty quickly.
4. Good Love Gone Bad
What is it with cats and their weird chemical rushes that take them from lover to fighter in t-minus three? A little fetch with the bell ball, some vigorous back stroking and a little talk back and suddenly she’s an ears-down, teeth-bared fighting machine. And these aren’t nips – she full-on attacks. I have taken to scruff-of-the-necking her into the bedroom for a closed-door timeout session just to let her walk-off the flood of… testosterone??
5. Sky Dive
Okay, this is the latest, greatest and by far the most aggressive alarm clock maneuver in Olive’s arsenal. She has taken bouncing me out of bed to new heights with this one… literally. She gracefully hops herself up on top of my tall dresser (exactly the place she knows she isn’t supposed to be anyway… and oh, yes she does know) and before I’ve even heard her make the leap, she has landed full force on my near-sleeping back. Bam. Again, we’re up before I can yell holy sh**….
A lucky girl, I think so. Which one of us? Probably both.