tmbt: flash by flash by flash
We never know… what is waiting around the corner, what tomorrow may bring, when we will die. We say these things often. We think we mean it. Then something sudden happens, some unexpected, something painful and intense and perhaps we realize how little we meant or believed it. That’s how it was for me this week.
I have new fitness goals. Yippee! Not some new year’s resolution, or bullying myself into a new dress size, just time to feel more like myself in my body – stronger, leaner, more energetic. I’ve been very excited about it, actually. So I took myself to a new class and worked hard until the one moment that changed everything. When I, in a bent over position, lifted those little five pound weights, lightning flashed in my eyes, literally, an echo of the electric stab that came from my low back. I heard nothing, but felt a breaking slide of some sort and a flash of such intense pain that it simply, almost effortlessly, dropped me to the floor.
I stayed on the floor for a long time, received treatments for multiple health practitioners, had my hand held and tears wiped away. Hours later, I was helped out of the facility and up to my apartment where I now sit days later still unable to fully sit, walk more than a hobble, or bend over more than a little squat to reach the second shelf of the fridge. I am on painkillers and spending most of my days lying on my side missing my piano bench, my newly reignited yoga practice, my warm baths, and the outdoors. I cannot walk down the stairs outside my door.
On one hand, I’d have to say that so far the most beautiful thing about this injury, whatever it turns out to be diagnosed as after the swelling subsides, would be the dear friends that have hopped to to help me, rescue me, and check in on me. And it is. It is second only to the very real and potent reminder that life happens in the moment and that every single moment has a flash of something new dangling in possibility. And in every one of those flashes, we have so many options, such a wealth of approaches to choose from, so many fates hanging in wait, some perfectly ordinary, others cataclysmic. Some of the flashes swell with personal choice, with the what to do next. Others, simply drop out of the sky as if ordained. Though my injury seems to have fallen from the sky, what my mind is resting on right now is the former, the choice inherent in the moment. Yes, today, that’s my pick for beauty – the choice inherent in the flash… and every flash thereafter.
Photo found at Panbo: The Marine Electronics Weblog.