tmbt: dying fantasy

I’ve never really thought about someone in my life dying before, except for maybe my mother who has had a couple of intense medical issues in recent years. Right now though, and lately, I’m thinking about death. I’m thinking about the possibility, (bah! the absolute) that someone I love dearly will die, many of them in fact. Maybe much sooner than I’d expect. I could come home one day from a walk and there’d be a body lying on the floor, the body I left glowing and smiling, and there it would be lifeless and simply… gone. Or an unfamiliar number would appear one afternoon and on the other line would be a voice confirming that this was, indeed “the call”. Or that I would be the one to make that call for another.

kilimanjaro-stars-time-lapsedanheller2

There are so many ways to lose someone. We are lost millions of times over each day in small ways, and large. Every loss, every broken glass, every missed moment is a death, a reminder.

Fragile. Life is so very fragile. And no matter how important someone is, how much I love them, how much I think I could never live without them, they will be gone some day. I will be gone some day, leaving them stunned on the other end of that call. Does that make things scary, tentative, and well, incredibly fragile? Yes, so much so.

It also makes them unbearably precious, invaluable, and dear beyond belief. So. Very. Dear.

So, tonight as my mind wonders down the what-ifs and oh-no’s of loving the people in my life, that meandering also reminds me acutely of the reason for this fear, for this dread of the certain: I have something so intensely beautiful to cause me this worry. And I know deep down that the thing to do is make sure I squeeze as much out of life, out of myself, for myself and for them as I can. Love them with all my might, that is what there is to do. And love this breath I am taking right now. And love that I am even given the chance to begin with… to love, to live. To have this beautiful love, this beautiful life.

Photo: Dan Heller. See this and more of his work at www.danheller.com.

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~ by HeatherArtLife on January 10, 2009.

2 Responses to “tmbt: dying fantasy”

  1. this is powrful and importent realizion. so much spiritual thought and practices along the years have been dedicated to the this quations which some says is our greatest (and only?!) fear in life, one which when over come, life is can reach its highest.
    at times i expiance this very deeple. feeling phyicaly the lose of myself, loved once and even some which i do not know. unfortunelty it is not strong enough to keep me remebering this at all time. and i go back to old patterns of treating life, less then they need or should. i mean i (we) should rejoice in every moment in life, what else. why to fight, urgue, feel bad and so on. …
    i like your comparison “Every loss, every broken glass, every missed moment is a death, a reminder.” everything is a death but we not always remember it, or we take some things as granted.
    blessings
    dhyan

  2. True stuff that is well said.
    There is very little comfort in giving or recieving trite responses to the ideas or questions about loss and death. Peronally, I have found comfort in the belief that all things happen for their own reason, the reasons who cannot know. All things are as they are supposed to be. Your words are a sign of bravery because you shared them, and tells me that you are not a person who is given life, simply to waste it and take up space.
    Thanks for sharing!
    peacefulowlphotography.wordpress.com

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