tmbt: throwing out rules
I was met by many opportunities today to let go and let insight move me. As a willful, ambitious woman, I often set up lots of rules and containers to live by, a byproduct of growing up in a midwestern land of platitudes, I think. There’s a drive in me to have everything all tidied up and manageable, black and white, filed and organized. Lately, though, my desk at work: an endless mess! But I have and find what I need.
I thought to myself today during an annual review for my job (the description for which is expanding rapidly and making me think twice about my stamina), “You know, I could do this. I could do this job and just be flexible – just deal with what comes to me piece by piece instead of deciding ahead of time who I need to be about it all.”
And tonight, I gave up on a tightly held boundary that strangled my heart to the edge of despair. I threw out the rules. My true rules? Be true to my heart. Ask my heart each moment what is needed – watch and respond, dance the dance, and welcome the confusion as fodder for the fire.
Nobody gets out of here alive. And the journey from here to getting out? Pretty fucking precious. Too precious to squash with rules. So they’re out. I’m trying to replace them with the beautiful breath, the beautiful sight, the beautiful feeling. And I have a hunch it’s all going to work out.
Nothing too profound. Nothing too poetic and eloquent – just a simple beautiful truth: life and love and laughter, those things are right now. I have too little time to waste on corralling it all into sweet little far away pastures. These horses need to roam!
Okay, now I’m just babbling. But you don’t mind, do you?
No, I didn’t think so. Beautiful.