the most beautiful thing: giving it
I’ve been thinking about how lucky I am lately to have so much love in my life, to have such dear dear ones who pour love over me like warm honeyed milk. It feeds my soul, it feeds my nervous system, it feeds my confidence in the workability of it all. Lately, I’ve felt particularly nourished with the knowing that there are those in this world that love me as much as I love them, as if their returned love is the cause for the this sense of cellular warmth. This morning, I woke reminded that this is not the case.
Yes, being loved is such a tremendous gift. And certainly, looking back at moments of great longing and need I know that the subtext for my words and actions was a desire for, indeed a begging for the love of another. But, if I look closer for the real subtext, for the real pattern, for the real source of my need, I know that it is not to get love, but to give love.
I have a dear friend who relayed comments from her teacher once who noted that it is not the lack of someone who loves us that makes us so lonely, sad, and needing, but rather the lack of someone to whom we can give our love that disrupts our sense of joy and purpose. Similarly, I have a teacher who talks about how we are like the sun. We are like the sun in that our deepest and in fact most simple, everyday purpose is to love. The sun just shines and shines with no need for return shining. The moon, stars, planets, and friends reflecting its light is nice and all, but it makes little difference to his purpose… to just shine, shine, shine. This teacher, he says we are the same. Our purpose is to love, love, love. Share love, wonderful. Receive love, great. But not necessary. We need to give love and in the giving, we are the most whole and complete.
With this in mind, I swim in this place in myself that is truly a bottomless well of love. This deep deep subtext I hear in my words, in my actions, reflected in my longing is not a request for your sunshine. It is a beseeching request to let me shine mine on you… let me shine it with all I have and all I am. Your love is a gift to me, a great lighting gift. And it is an opening, a ground-maker that helps me to open further and give more love, more light, and be more of who I am fully. And as for you? Oh, please do shine away.