the most beautiful thing: knowing
I have a favorite quote but can’t remember who I took it from or if I simply made it up, quite honestly. “Knowing is better than wondering.” It might even be from Grey’s Anatomy – some Meredith monologue. It doesn’t really matter where it’s from, just that it is simple, and means the world. This quote could sum up my beliefs as a Buddhist meditator very easy. “Just sit down, listen, and find out what’s going on in there and around you – what you don’t know you don’t know.” That line, “what you don’t know you don’t know” is actually a throw-back to my time spent doing trainings and being a coach for Landmark Education, too. I don’t participate in that work anymore, but the premise that life has the most power when we know the root of an issue is a powerful one that has stuck with me and probably was a great primer for being a meditator.
I’m a pretty direct person. I don’t always say what’s on my mind, but I express it anyway – my face is often a point of comment and humor for my co-workers who chide me for my lackluster poker performances in the boardroom. I don’t try too hard to hide my feelings. I think a big reason is because I know that if I don’t put myself out there, I won’t know what’s on the other side. It could be love. It could be a lot of love. And honestly, it usually is.
I started and titled this post with the intention of talking about my newly found all-knowing perspective on my home. I’ve done so much work to un-clutter and classify all the boxes and piles and forgotten bins lately that I now look around and know where nearly all of my things are and what is, indeed, in THAT box. But, per usual, the bigger, broader view is what I’m most interested in and turn to in my writing. Knowing where my passport, social security card, and birth certificate are helps me relax another part of myself that is then stronger for the knowing – strong enough to venture into the unknown territory of my old music box – the piles of mixed tapes from old lovers, ripped versions of my dad’s classic rock collection, and more.
In a similar way, delving into the murky waters of a long-brewing hurt with a close friend and coming out on the other side knowing where I am in her heart, and her in mine, leaves a part of my heart stronger, more open. It is that added strength and openness that helps me to be more open to love all around me, to seek out connection in unfamiliar and vulnerable ways. Namely for me, right now, dating!
It’s a big mirror, isn’t it? A big disco ball spinning reflecting the same thing over and over and giving us a beautiful, mesmerizing display of light. Maybe that will be my new favorite quote for a while, “Life is like a disco ball.”