the most beautiful thing: safety
I’ve not always been safe. Growing up in a chaotic household – a pretty broken one, though I’ll keep the details private – safety was a scarce commodity. Though I had assumed for a long time that part of my coping mechanism was making myself safe however I could, it wasn’t true. What I had actually done was increase my tolerance for danger. When, in steps a whole lotta therapy. Tah-dah! Today, things are different. One of the things that held me back in my performance career for many years was fear not of the stage but of being vulnerable to the intensity, the attention, and the potential for wayward admirers. Well, this weekend I played my first show at a large local theater and it showed me how far I’d travelled. I sang, I belted, I gave it my all. When it was all said and done, I realized that I was okay – my nerves weren’t fried, my heart wasn’t panicked – I was just thrilled. I was open and in love with my life… what performing does for me in smaller situations when I am just myself. No cranking, no guarding, no hiding… just there, open… and safe. More than one person said that it was beautiful.